Why Men Go Hot And Cold
Things can be going perfectly, you’ve matched on a dating app, you talked frequently, had a great first date and now he’s being hot and cold. So what’s happened? There can be a few different reasons why he may be seeming less committal and more confusing than usual, and we’re going to break a few of them down.
He’s Commitment Phobic
While not all guys have a fear of ‘settling down’ and only start dating women with the intention of keeping things casual, for some guys the thrill of the chase is more tempting them the happiness that comes with stability. He may also have recently left a long-term relationship and is hesitant about starting another soon after, or he could just be happy to keep things label-less. The only way to find out why he’s acting like this is simple honest communication and being clear about what you both want.
He’s Scared of Getting Hurt
Women aren’t the only ones who over-analyse things, and if a guy has had his heart broken before, he may be scared about history repeating itself. He may also have thought that he came across too strongly to start off with if he seemed really keen to progress things straight away, and as society has wrongly taught us that it’s women who should do the chasing and men should be aloof, he may worry about putting you off or being rejected because of this. If you like him as much and want things to continue, you can talk to him and assure him that your feelings for him are equal and you’re interested in him and want to see where things go.
The Relationship Is Changing
If you’ve been together for a while or things have become more serious and he starts going colder, it might not be the end of the world. In some cases, especially when the relationship is long-term, there’s not a big issue that is causing the change, it’s just his weird way of demonstrating that he’s settled now and doesn’t need to be all hearts and flowers to win you over. While you may be wondering where the initial spark has gone, he may be enjoying the long-lasting comfort of constant warm embers instead.
If you think this might be the case, you can tell him how much you enjoyed your early dates, trying new activities to impress each other or going out for special meals to celebrate even little anniversaries, and suggest that you pick it back up. Learning new ideas, sharing new experiences and building great memories brings couples together and may remind him why being all hearts and flowers is great.
It’s Something Else
Sometimes people don’t even realise that their mood and how they come across to other people is changing, especially when their mind is preoccupied or they’re worried. He might not mean to be lovey-dovey one moment and distant the next, and might have more stress on his plate then he’s letting on, whether it’s work, family or other anxieties.
Communication is very important here, tell him that he can be honest with you and that by sharing his problems you might just be able to help. Men keep a lot of issues bottled up because we’ve taught them rubbish that men shouldn’t be emotive, so by letting him know that it’s not only perfectly okay but beneficial to a healthy relationship, he may be encouraged to talk it out.